| Wednesday, January 23, 2008
8:06:50 AM | A young man in America wanted to purchase a gift for his girlfriend's birthday, and, as they had not been dating for very long, he decided, after careful consideration, that a pair of gloves would strike the right note, thoughtful, but not too personal.
Accompanied by his girlfriend's sister, he went to the shop and bought a dainty pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself at the same time. During the wrapping, the shop assistant mixed up the items ... the sister got the gloves and the young man got the panties. Without checking the contents, the man sent the parcel to his girlfriend with the following note:
"I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when you go out in the evenings. If it had not been for your sister I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears short ones that are easier to remove."
"These are a delicate shade. The shop assistant showed me the pair she had been wearing for the last three weeks, and they were hardly soiled at all. I had her try yours on for me, and although they were a little tight, they looked really smart. She told me that the material helps to keep her ring clean and shiny. In fact, she hasn't had to wash it since she began wearing them."
"I wish I could put them on for you, as no doubt, many other hands will touch them before I have the chance to see you again. When you take them off, remember to blow into them before putting them away, as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Just think how many times my lips will kiss them in the coming year. I hope that you will wear them for me on Friday night."
All my love, John
P.S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing.
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| | | Wednesday, January 23, 2008
8:33:16 AM | This is from me... Some of you may have read this before.. Anyways no harm reading again...
"Shunte pelum Posta giye ............". Nostalgic , isn't it ? Pl have a look at the wonderful translation .
A Suitable Boy
In Posta, I heard it being said
That you are getting your daughter wed
That Gangaram is the groom to be-
Want to know his pedigree?
After all, he aint a bad man
Though his colour is highly tan.
The shape of his face is right
Like the owl that comes at night.
In studies, I would like to state
Its hard to find someone so great-
Nineteen times he tried to pass
The matric when he stopped at last.
Asset wise they are also fine
Being slightly over the poverty line.
His brothers are not at all bad
One's headstrong, the other's mad,
The third son was brought up well-
He forged banknotes and went to jail.
Playing tabla is what the youngest knows-
He earns five bucks from standup shows.
Gangaram is oft down in bed
With ailments of the spleen and head
But his lineage is a royal one-
His forefather being king Kansh's son
And Shyam Lahiri of Bonogram
Is somehow related to Gangaram.
Now, of course, I feel, without a doubt
That a groom like him would make you very proud | |
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| | | Thursday, January 24, 2008
2:58:18 AM | | darun darun.....really njoying........hehehehehahahahohohoho!!!!!!!!!! | |
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| | | Thursday, January 24, 2008
4:25:29 AM | This ones from me :
An MNC appointed a research firm to check the status of entertainment level accross the globe for their employees. For over a month they travelled, interviewed and logged in the responses. Then they sat down for the report. It so came out that the workers preferred a game of football or soccer, the supervisors preferred criket and baseball, and higher up the CEOs and Directors preferred a game of golf. But then they had to put it in a single short line and they wracked their brains for it till they pinned down to a single statement, " As you go higher up the balls minimise"
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| | | Thursday, January 24, 2008
5:14:12 AM | Another one... this is also an old one but applicable in every day life....
Management Decisions
Once PVNR (PV Narasimha Rao), L.K. Advani and Laloo Prasad Yadav were travelling in an Auto Rickshaw. They met with an accident and all three of them died.
Yama was waiting for this moment at the doorstep of death.
He asks PVNR and Advani to go to HEAVEN.
But, for Laloo, Yama had already decided that he should be sent to HELL. Laloo is not at all happy with this decision.
He asks Yama as to why this discrimination is being made. All the three of them had served the public.
Similarly, all took bribes, all misused public positions, etc. Then why the differential treatment?
He felt that there should be a formal test or an objective evaluation before a decision is made; and should not be just based on opinion or preconceived notions.
Yama agrees to this and asks all the three of them to appear for an English test.
1. PVNR is asked to spell "INDIA" and does it correctly.
2. Advani is asked to spell “ENGLAND" and he too passes.
3. It is Laloo's turn and he is asked to spell “CZECHOSLOVAKIA".
Laloo protests that he doesn't know English. He says this is not fair and that he was given a tough question and thus forced to fail with false intent.
Yama then agrees to conduct a written test in Hindi (to give another chance assuming that Laloo should at least feel that Hindi would provide an equal platform for all three).
1. PVNR is asked to write "KUTTA BOLA BHOW BHOW ". He writes it easily and passes.
2. Advani is asked to write "BILLY BOLI MYAUN MYAUN". He too passes.
3. Laloo is asked to write "BANDAR BOLA GRRRRRR....." Tough one.
He fails again. Laloo is extremely unhappy.
Having been a student of history (which the other two weren't), he now requested for all the 3 to be subjected to a test in history Yama says OK but this would be the last chance and that he would not take any more tests.
1. PVNR is asked: "When did India get Independence? “
He replied "1947" and passed.
2. Advani is asked "How many people died during the independence struggle?"
He gets nervous.
Yama asked him to choose from 3 options:
100,000 or 200,000 or 300,000.
Advani catches it and says 200,000 and passes.
3. It's Laloo's turn now.
Yama asks him to give the Name and Address of each of the 200,000 who died in the independence struggle.
Laloo accepts defeat and agrees to go to HELL.
Moral of the story:
IF YOUR MANAGEMENT HAS DECIDED TO SCREW YOU, THERE IS NO ESCAPE.
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| | | Thursday, January 24, 2008
5:51:19 AM | THE WATER CLOSET :
A certain English lady visited Switzerland and was having difficulty finding a room, so she asked the local schoolmaster to help her. After a satisfactory room had been found, she returned to her home and did some packing. Suddenly, it occured to her that she hadn't noticed a W.C. (in England, the toilet is called a Water Closet), so she wrote the schoolmaster about the WC. The Schoolmaster, not knowing the meaning, asked the parish priest and together they decided that it must mean "Wayside Chapel." He wrote her the following letter:
Dear Madame,
It is my pleasure to inform you that there is a W.C. just 9 miles away from your home, in the center of a grove of pine trees. It seats 229 people, and it is open on Thursdays and Sundays. This is an unfortunate situation if you are in the habit of going regularly. You will, no doubt, be glad to hear that some people bring their lunches and make a day of it. I would especially recommend Thursdays, for then there is an Organ accompaniment. The accoustics in the W.C. are excellent; even the most delicate sound can be heard. My son was married in the W.C. and there was such a rush for seats that 10 people had to sit in the same seat. The looks on their faces were very interesting. My wife is sickly but dedicated. She doesn't go regularly, and she hasn't gone for nearly a year.
I will be glad to reserve a seat in the W.C. for you, where you will be seen and heard by everyone.
Hope I have been of some assistance to you.
Sincerely yours,
The Schoolmaster
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| | | Thursday, January 24, 2008
6:15:01 AM | | Fantastic Arnabda.... | |
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| | | Thursday, January 24, 2008
6:21:50 AM | TRUE STORY
Okhil Babu's Letter to the Railway Department: (Verbatim)
"I am arrive by passenger train Ahmedpur station and my belly is too
much swelling with jackfruit. I am therefore went to privy. Just I
doing the nuisance that guard making whistle blow for train to go off
and I am running with lotah in one hand and dhoti in the next when I
am fall over and expose all my shocking to man and female women on
plateform. I am got leaved at Ahmedpur station. This too much bad,
if passenger go to make dung that dam guard not wait train five
minutes for him. I am therefore pray your honour to make big fine on
that guard for public sake. Otherwise I am making big report to
papers."
Okhil Chandra Sen wrote this letter to the Sahibganj divisional
railway office in 1909. It is on display at the Railway Museum in New
Delhi. It was also reproduced under the caption 'Travelers' Tales' in
the 'Far Eastern Economic Review'.
Any guesses why this letter is of historic value?
scroll down
It apparently led to the introduction of TOILETS in trains!
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| | | Thursday, January 24, 2008
6:29:28 AM | UNCLE FRANK:
It's Saturday morning and Bob's just about to set off on a round of golf, when he realizes that he forgot to tell his wife that the guy who fixes the washing machine is coming around at noon. So Bob heads back to the clubhouse and phones home.
"Hello?" says a little girl's voice. "Hi, honey, it's Daddy," says Bob. "Is Mommy near the phone?" ... "No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank." ... After a brief pause, Bob says, "But you haven't got an Uncle Frank, honey!" ... "Yes, I do, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with Mommy!" ... "Okay, then. Here's what I want you to do. Put down the phone, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door. Shout in to Mommy and Uncle Frank that my car's just pulled up outside the house." ... "Okay, Daddy!"
-A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone. "Well, I did what you said, Daddy." ... "And what happened?" ... "Well, Mommy jumped out of the room and ran around screaming, then she tripped over the rug, fell down, and now she's crying in pain." ... "Oh, my God! What about Uncle Frank?" ... "He too jumped out of the room, and he was all scared and he jumped out of the back window into the swimming pool. But he must have forgotten that last week you took out all the water to clean it, so he hit the bottom of the swimming pool and now he's dead." There is a long pause ... "Swimming pool? Is this 2284-7039?"
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| | | Thursday, January 24, 2008
6:34:08 AM | Tiger Woods in Ireland Petrol Station ...
On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside.
The pump attendant, obviously knowing nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing supreme is. __"Top of the mornin' to yer sor," says the attendant.
Tiger nods a quick hello and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt onto the ground.
"What are those?" asks the attendant.
"They are called tees," replies Tiger.
"Well, what on God's earth are dey for?" inquires the Irishman.
"They're for resting my balls when I'm driving," says Tiger.
"Fooking Jaysus," says the Irishman, "BMW takes care of everything!"
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| | | Thursday, January 24, 2008
9:24:52 AM | Arnabda... ekhane ja joma porche na.... bhabchi compile kore ekta boi banabo....
Avikda tumi ekhon bangalore na kolkata'te ektu bolbe please...
Baki janagon aro dao kichu..... | |
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| | | Thursday, January 24, 2008
11:50:52 AM | One More Blonde joke ...
A blonde, a brunette, a movie star, the pope, and a pilot were on a plane.
The plane was going down fast, and there were only four parachutes for all five of them.
The pilot took one and jumped, then the movie star took one and jumped, and then the blonde took one and jumped.
The pope told the brunette to take the last one.
The brunette said, "There are still 2 parachutes left! The blonde took my backpack!"
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| | | Thursday, January 24, 2008
3:57:08 PM | The Honest Robot.
Once a simpleton got hold of an honest robot.The robot was supposed to hit a person as soon as he lied. He took it home and started scolding his yankee son, who was late for dinner.He shouts at him,"Why don't u fix ur priorities..is it the right time to be back?" Sorry dad, but I was stuck up in a traffic jam!! The robot hits the boy hard.The desperate dad shouts,"You liar! When I was ur age, I was not a cassanova like u!!!!" The robot slaps the father hard! The mother intervens.Stop! u both r alike!Baap Ka beta!! The robot now slaps the mother hard!! | |
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| | | Thursday, January 24, 2008
4:39:40 PM | | Arnabda, Avikda,Sourav- really great humours;waiting for more. | |
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| | | Thursday, January 24, 2008
6:18:55 PM | | This a fabulous thread...keep going all of u. | |
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| | | Thursday, January 24, 2008
6:19:45 PM | sardar and his pet tota......
A sardar and his pet tota boarded a plane...soon the plane took off and midway through the journey around 30,00 ft above the land, tota got bored and pressed the overhead call button. A beautiful airhostess came to them and asked the tota what he wanted. The tota jumped up and kissed the airhostess. The airhostess was so surprised and amused that she said..."awwwww so sweet...", pulled the tota on her lap, kissed the tota back and left.
After some time the tota called her again and again and they exchanged kisses.
The sardar was observing this for some time now. Now he pressed the call button and as usual the airhostess showed up. The sardar sprang up from his seat kissed the airhostess. Surprised as hell was he....when instead of the expected kiss from the airhostess, he got a huge slap from her.
The sardar and his pet tota were thrown out of the plane in midair.
While falling down, the sardar shouted to the tota....."oye tota...kuch kar yaar!!"
The tota turned his head towards the falling sardar and asked.."oye sardar..oorna ata hai??"...sardar bola..."nehi"...tota bola..."to fir airhostess ke saath paanga kyon liya thaa!!???
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| | | Thursday, January 24, 2008
6:27:41 PM | A man said to his friend --> "My wife is an angel!!"
Friend replied back --> "you are so lucky. Mine is still alive!!"
------------------------------------------------
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Statement: "Carrots are very good for eyes"
Argument: Very true. Rabbits eat carrots....have you ever seen any rabbits wearing glases?
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| | | Thursday, January 24, 2008
6:27:59 PM | TRY THIS, A REAL GOOD ONE--
this is what a intelligent sardarji asked (pajji was quite intelligent)
how do you keep an asshole in suspense???
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| | | Thursday, January 24, 2008
6:54:50 PM | hahahah Avik da........"an intelligent sardar" itself is a joke!!!
reminds me of this one:
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Two intelligent sardars were playing chess. Two more intelligent sardars came in and said.."can we play doubles?"
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| | | Friday, January 25, 2008
5:21:13 AM | a bridge too far
The Lord surveyed the Ram Setu and said "Hanuman, how diligently and
> strenuously you and your vanara sena had built this bridge several
> centuries back. It is remarkable that it has withstood the ravages of
> the climatic and geographical changes over centuries. It is indeed an
> amazing feat especially considering the fact that a bridge at
> Hyderabad built by Gammon using latest technology collapsed the other
> day even before they could stick the posters on its pillars."
>
> Hanuman with all humility spoke "Jai Sri Ram, it is all because of
> your grace. We just scribbled your name on the bricks and threw them
> in the sea and they held. No steel from TISCO or cement from Ambuja or
> ACC was ever used. But Lord, why rake up the old issue now."
>
> Ram spoke "Well, Hanuman some people down there want to demolish the
> bridge and construct a canal. The contract involves lot of money and
> lot of money will be made. They will make money on demolition and make
> more money on construction. "
>
> Hanuman humbly bowed down and said "Why not we go down and present our case"
>
> Ram said "Times have changed since we were down there. They will ask
> us to submit age proof and we don't have either a birth certificate or
> school leaving certificate. We traveled mainly on foot and some times
> in bullock carts and so we don't have a driving license either. As far
> as the address proof is concerned the fact that I was born at Ayodhya
> is itself under litigation for over half a century, If I go in a
> traditional attire with bow and arrow, the ordinary folks may
> recognize me but Arjun Singh may take me to be some tribal and, at the
> most, offer a seat at IIT under the reserved category.
>
> Also, a God cannot walk in dressed in a three-piece suit and announce
> his arrival. It would make even the devotees suspicious. So it is a
> dilemma so to say."
>
> "I can vouch for you by saying that I personally built the bridge."
>
> "My dear, Anjani putra, it will not work. They will ask you to produce
> the lay-out plan, the project details, including financial outlay and
> how the project cost was met and the completion certificate. Nothing
> is accepted without documentary evidence in India. You may cough but
> unless a doctor certifies it, you have no cough. A pensioner may
> present himself personally but the authorities do not take it as
> proof. He has to produce a life-certificate to prove that he is alive.
> It is that complicated."
>
> "Lord I can't understand these historians. Over the years you have
> given darshan once every hundred years to saints like Surdas,
> Tulsidas, Saint Thyagaraja, Jayadeva, Bhadrachala Ramdas and even Sant
> Tukaram and still they disbelieve your existence and say Ramayana is a
> myth. The only option, I see, is to re-enact Ramayana on earth and set
> the government records straight once for all."
>
> Lord smiled "It isn't that easy today. Ravan is apprehensive that he
> may look like a saint in front of Karunanidhi. I also spoke to his
> mama Mareecha, who appeared as a golden deer to tempt Sita when I was
> in the forest and he said that he won't take a chance of stepping on
> earth as long as Salman Khan is around." | |
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